This is a hard blog post to write. I’m attempting to find the balance between reflection and self deprecation...transparency and over explanation. I guess you can let me know how I do.
I’d been avoiding the release of this month’s film because I was embarrassed. I felt as though it was not up to a standard that has been set by my previous works...that it was not a great representation of me. As I watched it back, I thought, “ people will be disappointed. They’re going to hate it.” I don’t want to put out work that I’m not proud of, but then I had to ask myself, ”Why am I not proud of this?”
I had to shift my perspective. I had to remember the original purpose(s) of this challenge. And one of those purposes was to LEARN. This is humbling and recentering. Without realizing it, I started becoming too concerned with how the work will be received, and that’s not the point of this at all.
The point is to make mistakes, to learn how to get it done regardless of whether it’s “perfect” or not, to become a better filmmaker. Every film does not have to be good.
Failure is okay. Hell, failure is GOOD! It’s integral to growth. To betterment. And if I’m being real, the film is really not that bad, I just got caught up in expectation because I, like most artists, am my own worst critic. Which is something else this is allowing me to work through.
I have to give myself grace. And some daggone credit!!! I taught myself how to screw a frikkin’ song!!! And in a few hours no less. The challenge is doing what it’s supposed to. I’m learning, and getting better, and expanding my skill set.
I also got to work with two amazing Black women on this project and get to know them better. That in itself, is a major plus.
Now for the lessons learned and all’at. Lol.
Remember the Why - It can get a lil' hazy after a while, but refocusing can greatly impact your perspective and give you the fuel you need to keep pushing.
Big Up Yaself!!! - It’s just as important to point out the good in the work as it is to point out the “bad”. Find those nuggets of brilliance so that you can continue to incorporate them into the work. This is how your voice as an artist is formed.
Things To Keep Doing:
Keep Learning. Keep Growing. Keep Getting Better.
Thank you for reading.