8 Months In and I’m Feeling Like...


I wanna quit. It’s a lingering feeling I’ve been toying with. And to be clear, I don’t want to quit filmmaking, but the challenge...I don’t know.


Just for context, I’m currently in the midst of developing my first feature, and it’s been haunting me. I think about it all the time, every aspect. It’s consumed so much mental space, which I appreciate because it’s a sign that it’s the right thing to do, but it has simultaneously taken some of the passion I have for this challenge. Sometimes I feel like it’s more of an obligation than an opportunity.


Now with all that said, will I be quitting? Probably not. What I am thinking about doing is amending it slightly...taking the opportunity to use a couple of the remaining months to finish incomplete projects.


It’s of the utmost importance that I do not start this feature with unfinished films hanging in the balance. Not one.

So yeah, it’s still on and poppin’.


As for my experience with this film, it was my first time shooting with a crew since March...and boy...I was Russ Tee! Thankfully, I had a supportive crew, almost all of whom I’d never worked with before, but everyone was super cool and calm.

I think that’s the one thing I missed most about “normality”...connecting with people on a project. Getting to know people in a new way. Seeing people learn from each other.

So although it was a lil’ bit of a mess (because, honestly, when is it not?) I thoroughly enjoyed myself.


Lessons Learned:


Be flexible - Committing to anything for an extended amount of time requires frequent assessment, reflection, and sometimes, amendment. In order to keep moving forward, you must be malleable.


Things to Keep Doing:


Being True to Myself - Transparency and free to be is key in creation, and not even externally, but internally, it's imperative. Giving myself space to work through my "negative" emotions allows me to get back to the task at hand.

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